Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
she was so not down for the gang bang
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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