got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
