So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
