also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize