the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
