drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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