i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
