ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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