I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
