I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
