You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
