I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
