Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
