I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
