I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
