Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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