It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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