So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
