i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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