honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
