Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Too much gin, very little bucket
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
