Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
