The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
