Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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