so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
