It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
