Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
