i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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