Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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