Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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