Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
