cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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