apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
