I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
