Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
