I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
