So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
