When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
