Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
