Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
