So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
