The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
