you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
