So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
