perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
