so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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