Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
