if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
