just tell him i said nine months
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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