She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
