Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
