You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
