24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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