just survived the first fart of the relationship.
only if we run a train.
done.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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