i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
