How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
