Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Randomize
