Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
