my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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