i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize