Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
