I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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