She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
