just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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