We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
