I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize