First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
