And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
