U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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