im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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