WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
